If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

Things definitely sound too good to be true lately. Am I dreaming and about to wake up? Is life pulling pranks on me?


My now ex-gender therapist called last week. He found one of his senior colleagues willing to take me on. A psychologist with years of experience in the trangender field under his belt. A professor at two universities. A man my own age, who lived the sixties rather than just heard about them. I have an apppointment with him next week. We’ll see how it goes.


I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. I specifically asked to see him because I wanted him to review my many diagnoses. I was fully prepared to fight him over some of the diagnoses that I felt were absolutely wrong.

Well, there was no fight. We had a very relaxed conversation and were very much on the same page. He ended up binning most of the old diagnoses and in the end there were only three left. (Note that he’s still using the DSM-IV. He told me this is because the insurance companies are not ready for the DSM-V yet. We both thought that was pretty lame.)

  • Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent – in full remission
  • Psychotic Disorder NOS
  • Gender Identity Disorder NOS

That’s it. Not half bad. Esp. seeing that the psychotic disorder is also in full remission – but the DSM didn’t think it necessary to specify that, it seems. So right now I’m completely normal. Now that’s scary! πŸ˜‰


Today I had my intake at the psychological practice I mentioned in my previous post. Well, I was nervous. I needed this to go well. I need to be on T as soon as possible, so I was pretty much wetting myself.

After a two hour’s ride in the wheelchair taxi, with a driver who got sidetracked every other minute and thought tailgating was quite acceptable behaviour, I got there. Tired and hot. I also very much needed to take a piss.

Wheelchair accessible toilet wasn’t quite so accessible. The doors were a nightmare to open, esp. seeing that I hurt my left wrist yesterday (just getting some plates out of a cupboard; I’m talented like that) and can’t use that arm at all today. Thankfully one of the ladies in the waiting room noticed my plight and helped with the doors.

Anyhoo… The psychiatrist who did the intake was rather nice and made me feel at ease almost immediately. She asked some questions about the gender dysphoria, my childhood, teenage years and well, I guess just all the usual questions. Sometimes she’d ask for clarification but for the most part she just understood.

In the end she said she saw no problems whatsoever diagnosing me with Gender Identity Disorder. Everything was crystal clear, and since I’d also already been out and living as a male for a year, treatment shouldn’t be a problem either. She said she thought just one appointment with the psychologist would be enough to get things going.

I feel paranoid now. I can’t believe things are finally going my way. Not that easily. I guess I really won’t be able to believe it until I’m finally on T.

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13 Responses to Paranoid

  1. Kris says:

    Happy for you and believing things are going to go your way all the way. Voorspoed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. rimonim says:

    I totally get the paranoia–I was paranoid that everything would somehow fall apart when I knew I’d soon have my Rx for T, when I had the Rx in hand, when I had the first vial, after the first shot, and honestly for months until there were finally very clear and undeniable changes. It’s scary to admit you really need something and put yourself out there, doing your best to actually, finally get it.

    But, it is indeed paranoia, not a realistic assessment. Life really is this good sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Right on!! This is how it should be. Concise and to the point, recognizing you know yourself and the diagnosis. I hope you can get in quickly with the psychologist. I am curious why the psychiatrist didn’t just write the letter? Do you guys ie your country require a psychologists/therapist vs a psychiatrist/doctor? Keep the faith!

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, psychologist, psychiatrist… it doesn’t make any difference. What does make a difference is experience and the way professionals divide their tasks between them. This psychiatrist is still young and may not have a lot of experience yet. She currently only does the intakes and the psychologist (who’s probably her supervisor) does the gender counseling and referrals.


  4. Dexxy says:

    Bull by the horns now Liam, focus on you, your goal. Don’t take no for an answer. This is great news, so happy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Kat says:

    I’m happy to hear that things are looking up! I know it’s hard to just accept it and not be looking for the other shoe to fall. You’ll be on T before you know it. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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