Drag

Last Sunday I went to see my daughter who lives in another part of the country. It’s not all that far, really. Just a little over one hour by train. But it’s a huge thing for me, to go there all by myself.

I can’t take my wheelchair in the train, because there are no mobile ramps at “my” railway station and there’s no way I can pick up my wheelchair and just carry it into the train. That thing weighs a ton.

I can, however, take my balance bike with me when I travel by train, and that’s what I did. It’s very lightweight, so picking it up and carrying it into the train was not a problem at all. And because it’s an official walking aid, I didn’t have to pay extra for taking my bike along.

Of course, seeing that this was my first time travelling alone with my balance bike, I worried about a gazillion things. What if I couldn’t find my way to my daughter’s apartment? What if the 15-minute walk proved too long for me? What if…

But all went well. I still knew my way around perfectly and although the walk took me a little longer than 15 minutes I got to my girl’s apartment just fine. Tired, but in a great mood.

We spent all afternoon on the couch, reading, watching Hannibal, talking, joking, cuddling up together. It was good. We had absolutely delicious noodles from an Asian takeaway. We drank tea.

Then we decided I might as well stay the night.

Slight problem: I didn’t bring my PJ’s. No toothbrush, no comb, nothing. Oh well. My daughter is just a little shorter than me and we have more or less the same build. So she lent me one of her t-shirts. Plain brown and long-sleeved, which is good. But also tight fitting, with low neckline and so long it could easily be a dress.

I felt weird. Weirder than I ever felt during all those years playing at being a woman. In all its simplicity, this t-shirt was so utterly feminine it made me feel awkward. Thankfully it was just my daughter and me, and we were going to sleep, so neither of us would be seeing much of me in drag anyway.

Even so, I was only too happy to be able to put on my own clothes again the next morning. Thankful that I could be me again. Me, with teeth that needed brushing and wild, unkempt hair, but wearing proper clothes.

Next time I’m visiting my daughter I’ll be sure to take an overnight bag with me, just in case. I don’t ever want to go in drag again.

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5 Responses to Drag

  1. Kris says:

    When dysphoria hits, it hits damn hard… If only the “able-bodied” could experience what we do as disabled people every day, a lot more will be done to make our lives easier. I had to kick and scream to have a strobe light fire alarm installed in my office. But we keep on fighting… Take care, Daniel.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dexxy says:

    I have this issue at times but have, like you, learnt to throw a top in my handbag. Prepare for the worst,hope for the best. Glad you had a good time despite the wardrobe issue.take care.xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lindsay collins says:

    Hi I searched Google for ehlers danlos transgender and your blog came up if I’m totally wrong and you don’t have EDS sorry for bothering you! I’m FTM pre-everything and I’m about to get my T letter but I’m trying to find other ftm’s with EDS who
    Are already on T to see how it’s affected their EDS. Are you on T yet? If none of this applies sorry for the bother. If you’re on Instagram I’m collins1024 on there I’m 23 and live in America.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Lindsay. I’m sorry I never saw your comment until today. I’ve been away from my blog for way too long.
      Yes, I do have Ehlers Danlos and I haven’t met/spoken to other FTMs with EDS yet. It’s pleasure to meet you here.
      I’m not on T yet, though things are definitely looking good now, but my rehab doctor said going T might well be a good thing for me, seeing that T makes you stiffen up a bit. I sure hope that happens.

      Like

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