Has it really been two months? Well, what can I say? I had so much going on at once, I just didn’t feel like writing. Didn’t feel like reading either, and in fact didn’t use my computer or the internet very much at all.
And I liked it.
Meanwhile, as you’ll have guessed by now, things happened. A lot of things. So here we go.
I’m having a divorce. We both knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but we hoped it would be later. It became sooner, but it’s all for the best. We’re still best buddies and I sincerely hope we’ll always be. It’s just that best buddies don’t necessarily make a good couple. With neither of us being attracted to men, you can probably imagine what our marriage looked like.
Also, I’m moving. That too, happened so much faster than I could have imagined, I’m still flabbergasted and can hardly believe that cute apartment is really mine now. Yet I have the keys in my pocket, so it’s true. And I’m going to have quite some work to do before I can actually move in. Which will be by the end of this month.
Oh, and then there’s this thing called gender therapy.
And the wanting to go on T. That too.
I have reason to believe it’s really going to happen. Soon. Ish.
My gendertherapist – the new one – has been supportive ever since we first met. To her it was already clear from the intake that I really am a guy, and I didn’t need to prove my identity to her. What we did need to do, was follow the standard protocol for my country, so I wrote my life story. We read it together and that already gave her quite a clear indication of why I never felt I could be myself until this late in life.
There was some testing, of course, which is also standard. This too, was actually very relaxed. I got to take the questionnaires back home with me, was allowed to fill them out whenever I felt like it, and then get them back to my therapist.
The tests confirmed what we already knew and again made it quite clear that – and why – I never felt safe enough to be my true self until quite recently. Also, I have a markedly male coping style. That put a smile on my face. It confirmed what I already knew, but I really needed that confirmation.
We’ve more or less finished the diagnostic phase. I just need to see one more gender therapist (just once) for a second opinion, which also seems to be protocol here, but my gendertherapist said that really just a formality and I needn’t worry about that at all.
So now I just need to move, get settled into my new home and after that, maybe January or February we’ll set things in motion. Second opinion first, then referral to an endocrinologist.
I’m beyond excited.