June has come and I’m still waiting. Meanwhile I found out that age had not taken care of my shark weeks and I had the most horrible migraine I had in ages. Oh well. I guess that means my hormonal levels are back to normal and that’s a good thing when I get my blood work done. (Always look on the bright side of life, eh?)
And people continue to read me as female, which annoys me no end. I just want that low voice, the facial hair, and the muscles I should have had for decades already.
Muscles… oh boy, muscles. I used to have them, when I was much younger and had never even heard of Ehlers-Danlos. Back when I still went to jiu-jitsu training three times a week. I was strong. A strong young man, en never mind that female body. I did all the things men did except stand to pee. But I never sat down properly either, as that just felt wrong, so I did something in between.
How things have changed. When I look at all the things I lost thanks to the EDS, it’s probably the strong muscles I miss most. I try to get at least some muscle back, but it’s extremely hard work, seeing that EDS and growing muscles are sort of incompatible with each other. I am succeeding, though at a snail’s pace. Getting out of the house in my wheelchair and pushing my limits helps. So I ride on grass. I take curbs. That kind of thing. Even if it helps only just a little, it definitely makes me feel good about myself.
Oh, and then I found this: 8 Trans People Deliver Emotional And Inspiring Messages To Their Younger Selves.
As I watched the video I kinda wished I had a message to my younger self, but what can I say? I’m still living in that female body. There’s no way I can use hindsight to encourage my younger self. Not yet. Besides, what’s the point? I live today. My younger self was in the past, and time traveling only happens in fiction.