I’ve been on T for two and a half months now and my voice is still basically the same as it was two weeks on T. No further changes, which annoys me no end. I did get my dosage of T upped two weeks ago, but so far that hasn’t affected my voice yet.
As you may (or may not) know, my voice is pretty important to me. I used to be a trained singer and had plans to study classical singing at the conservatory when I was younger. Never had the guts to audition, so I never went there in the end. But that, of course, did not end my passion for music.
Looking back, I think my voice dysphoria may well have played a large part in my being too cowardly to audition. It’s not that I have a horrible voice – far from that. I’ve always had a beautiful soprano voice. Light, warm, agile. Not quite a coloratura, but close. More of a soprano leggero, I suppose.
Not entirely unlike Marina Murari, I’d say.
The only problem with my voice was that it wasn’t a male voice. I wanted – wanted so badly – to have a nice deep voice. A bass, preferably. And the one and only time I was ever fool enough to mention it to some of my friends… well, I paid for that mistake. One them still calls me “Bas” which not only means bass, but is also a boy’s name in Dutch.
After I got married I stopped taking singing lessons. I became a parent and life was so hectic, I didn’t usually have time to think about how much I missed singing. Yes, I still sang in the shower, but that doesn’t count. It’s not what I’d call singing.
Going on T and losing control of my voice made me stop and think about how much I missed it. I wanted to sing. I wanted to take control of my voice again the way I used to. And I didn’t want to wait till after my voice change. I wanted to have at least some semblance of control especially during the awkward time of the voice change.
So I had my first singing lesson yesterday, and it was good. I marvelled at how much I still remembered, and how easily long-forgotten things came back to me. My new singing teacher said I’d still be able to reach C6 with some training and if I weren’t transitioning she’d definitely focus on training my high vocal range again. But since I am transitioning, she’ll train my voice as if I were a teenage boy going through his voice change.
For now, I’m a countertenor, and I’m happy with that. No pretending I’m a woman. I’m simply a guy with a very high voice. And since we have no way of telling how my voice will develop, we’ll just take it one step at a time.
No pressure. Just making sure I won’t strain and ruin my voice while it’s growing into its new range.
Over the next few weeks I’ll be working on the well known aria ‘Lascia ch’io pianga’ from ‘Rinaldo’ by G.F.Händel. It’s not a very difficult aria – and in fact one of the first aria’s I sang as a teen – but with enough technical intricacies to keep me on my toes for now.
I’m one happy camper.